Strength

Prelude

She had left him in the house by himself. I knew where she was. As I began to think about what she had risked to go get a bottle of Gin I became furious. Looking around the room I realized that there were no child safety precautions taken although I was here holding a 9-month old baby. I had to do something. I knew I did not have the means to take care of a child but I couldn’t just leave him here. I grabbed his bag and began packing some clothes. The house had no heat or running water. She would be drunk before the day was over, which means he would be cold, hungry, and he wouldn’t be bathed. I knew I had a calling on my life. I just never knew what it was, until today. Today I realized that I was destined for such a time as this. As I looked into his eyes I knew I was here to teach, to guide, to love him. He must’ve read my mind because he looked in my eyes and smiled. I knew she would put up a fight or possibly the both of them. I had just walked in unannounced and it was sure to be a fight if they were drinking. Of course they were. As I grabbed a couple of bottles I heard someone coming in the front door.

The Process

I woke up to my phone ringing, checking the time, it was two o’clock in the morning. “Hello,” I answered. “My baby, my baby. He’s going to hurt my baby.” I immediately jumped up and grabbed a pair jogging pants and hoodie and slipped on my boots. I ran up the steps to grab my purse and keys and headed out the door. Driving there felt like it was taking hours although it was merely minutes. I pulled in and immediately ran to the front porch and swung the door open. I didn’t know what to expect, I just knew I had to save them. She was sitting on the couch. She looked a mess. Tears ran down her face as she stood and ran to me. “Are you ok?” “I need to go to the hospital,” she explained. “My leg is messed up. He broke my finger,” she cried. “Where’s Ryan?” I ran towards the bedroom. Her boyfriend came storming out. “Ain’t nothing wrong with her. She shouldn’t have hit me. I bet you she know better next time.” He lunged at her and she jumped back. “Calm down,” I raised my hand in her defense. “That’s enough. Where’s the baby?” “He in there,” he pointed to the room. “Look, you don’t need to take him. It’s the middle of the night. He’s fine,” he said walking in the room behind me, stumbling. I watched Ryan as he slept in his crib and leaned down to give him a kiss. “I’m just checking on him. Nobody is taking him but I need you to stop putting your hands on my mother.” I turned around as he sucked his teeth. “I don’t just be putting my hands on her. She make me when she running around here acting crazy.” “Drew, you just need to leave if she takes you there. Y’all need to just let it go. He don’t deserve this. This baby needs some stability.” “And I’m trying to provide that for him. It’s hard with my background.” Drew was an ex-felon. He was calm now but I could only imagine was transpired about an hour ago. I grabbed the baby’s diaper bag on the night stand and began packing. “Nia, I told you he’s ok,” he said throwing his hands up in frustration. “I know he is but you’re not. I’m going to take him with me and take my mother to the hospital. We’ll be back later.” As the words left my mouth I knew they were lies. I simply wanted to keep him calm for the moment. I planned on never coming back here once they were out.

After leaving the hospital I took my mother and brother to my place. They were now settled in and sleeping. I was up, I had to be at work in an hour and unfortunately I had gotten zero sleep. I started to think about my childhood. I didn’t really have one. I was always responsible for somebody else for as long as I could remember. My brother was one of my many siblings. She raised none of us because she suffered from alcoholism. She called herself going to rehab too many times for me to count. It never worked. The rest of my family had given up on her. For some reason I hadn’t. I couldn’t understand why she always went back to him. This wasn’t the first time he had hit her. It was too many times to count. Ryan had gotten hurt the first time and ended up in the hospital. I refused to let this continue and wish I could take him myself. It was just scary to me to think I would be someone’s mother. I was only 19. I grabbed my keys and headed out for work.

Today was the struggle. I was exhausted. Between working two jobs, taking 15 credit hours in college and dealing with my mom’s mess I could barely function. “Nia!” It was my manager Mark. He just so happened to be a friend of the family as well. “Nia, let me talk to you.” He pulled me out the coffee shop into the corridor. “What’s going on with you?” I looked at him confused. “What you mean? I was making some coffee,” I replied trying to play it off. “You here but you not here. I can tell something going on with you.” Tears began to roll down my face. “I’m just trying to help people.” “Nia, it’s ok to help people but if it becomes too much for you, like what it is right now, you stop. You have to let people stand on their own two feet.” That was easier said than done. “You work on that. I’m telling you, once you do that you’ll have less weight on your shoulders. I’m not saying don’t help people but you do what you can and the rest you let them handle on their own. Especially if it’s weighing you down like this. Ok?” I couldn’t talk. I was so emotional. I nodded my head in acknowledgment. “Ok, you gather yourself then come in back in. Let’s get to work.” How did he know what I was dealing with? How did he know exactly what to say! At that moment, I began to reminisce on what my Aunt had told me, God will sometimes reveal things to people to allow them to help you on your journey. I took deep breaths stepping back in the shop. That was the best advice anyone had ever given me. Little did I know it would be near and dear to me for many years to come.

It had been two weeks since I had picked my mom and brother up. She stayed at my place for three days and went back to him. I hadn’t talked to her since. With not talking to her I was relieved. I felt less stressed but something didn’t feel right and I couldn’t help but think about little Ryan. My sweet baby. After work I headed to their place to see him.

I pulled in and grabbed my things, preparing to go in. Little did I know I wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen. I walked in yelling out for my mom. I didn’t want to startle her. “Ma! Ma!” There was no answer. As I walked through the living room I began yelling again. “Ma! Ma!” I reached the bedroom and the television was on. Her coat was missing from the hook and her keys were gone. Hearing a soft whine, I looked down. Ryan was in his crib. He had just woken up from me yelling. I couldn’t help but smile at him as he reached up for me. I immediately became furious. My original concern dissipated. There was nothing wrong with her. She left him here. She had left him in the house by himself. I knew where she was. As I began to think about what she had risked to go get a bottle of Gin I became furious. Looking around the room I realized that there were no child safety precautions taken although I was here holding a 9-month old baby. I had to do something. I knew I did not have the means to take care of a child but I couldn’t just leave him here. I grabbed his bag and began packing some clothes. The house had no heat or running water. She would be drunk before the day was over, which means he would be cold, hungry, and he wouldn’t be bathed. I knew I had a calling on my life. I just never knew what it was, until today. Today I realized that I was destined for such a time as this. As I looked into his eyes I knew I was here to teach, to guide, to love him. He must’ve read my mind because he looked in my eyes and smiled. I knew she would put up a fight or possibly the both of them. I had just walked in unannounced and it was sure to be a fight if they were drinking. Of course they were. As I grabbed a couple of bottles I heard someone coming in the front door. It was my mother. “What is wrong with you?!” I screamed at her with tears in my eyes. “Why would you leave him here?!” My yelling didn’t faze her because she was drunk. “I was coming right back,” she said plopping down on the couch. “From six blocks away!” I wanted to punch her in the face. “I’m taking him.” I rushed back into the room to grab his diaper bag and finish packing. “Please take him! Drew don’t give me no “me” time, no help and I’m tired. When you gone bring him back?” I didn’t want to bring him back at all. “In a couple days,” I said. What she didn’t know is that I never wanted to bring him back.

A couple days passed and of course I had taken him back home. I was a kid trying to take care of a kid. I had no one to watch him, no one to help me. I had to take him back. I was back at work today, I could again, only think about my sweet baby. “Nia your phone been blowing up!” Marquis yelled. I ran to the break room and grabbed my phone out my locker. “I need you to come up here. They’re trying to take my baby.” It was my mother crying hysterically. “Who’s trying to take the baby?” “Child Protective Services.” “If you don’t come up here they’re taking him.” “I’m on my way.”

There were both children and adults yelling, crying and screaming. I cringed at the site of people’s children being ripped away from their loved ones. It was total chaos. The air even felt uneasy. I walked toward the receptionist desk and asked for Mrs. Roberts like she had instructed me to do over the phone. “She’ll be right out,” said the receptionist. “You can take a seat.” I sat down and began to understand why I was here. My mother came running out with the social worker and Ryan. She looked beat. “Someone called these people on me when I went to the store. They came in my house, waited for me to get back and took me and Ryan and brought us here.” “So what are they saying?” I asked her. Before she could answer the social worker stepped in. “My name is Mrs. Roberts. I know this is a difficult time and she told me you had to come here from work. The importance of you being here is because if you are unable to take him we do have to place him in foster care and find him a home of our choice.” “I’ll take him,” I said voice cracking. “Do you have the means to take care of him?” “I work two jobs. I have money.” “Your mother states you also attend school. Who will keep him,” she asked. “I have sisters. They’re 15 and 16. They’ll help me,” I quickly replied. “Ok. In the interim Ryan is to have no contact with your mother. If we find out, you are there with him or have left him in her care we will have to take him.” “I won’t do anything to jeopardize this,” I assured her.

I didn’t know what to do but I felt compelled to take him so he didn’t end up like most kids who entered the system, angry, abused and mistreated. Taking care of a baby was definitely a challenge. I had to learn how to incorporate his needs into my own. With the help of friends and family Ryan was right at home. Pretty soon we created a schedule. Days turned into weeks; weeks into years. I grew to love this little person more than I loved myself. I wanted to give him a better life, he was just a child; I owed it to him. Out of all my siblings, I was the only one old enough and in a position to take care of him. I was happy I was able to take him in.

I had never been so afraid. With so many siblings I had experience in taking care of children but I was now solely responsible for another human being. This by far was the most uncomfortable situation I had ever been in. For this was the most growth I had ever experienced. Like they say, when God wants you to grow he’ll but you in the most uncomfortable situation. Although times were sometimes hard, at this moment I learned to trust God. I was the definition of Strength. I learned that God makes no mistakes.